Pursuing Sarah (Sarah Series Book 2) Page 10

  “I think maybe you need some rest. Like get away somewhere. Without Charlie. Would you like me to watch him, and you go to a spa? Something just for you, Maggie.”

  “No. My mom’s offered, but I wouldn’t relax thinking someone wasn’t caring for Charlie in the way I’d care for him.”

  “Lord, I’ve been raising Rose for the past four and a half years without any major incident. She’s not got stuck in a well yet. Or trapped in a mine shaft, been swarmed by killer bees, or ingested poison underneath the sink. I’m pretty sure I’m certified to watch a toddler.”

  “I appreciate it. It’s just me. I’ll be fine.”

  I knew she was exhausted. And I knew she was just that type of mother. The one who wouldn’t rest until she was about eighty years old, and she couldn’t avoid the midday nap anymore. And then maybe she’d feel Charlie could eat unaccompanied by an adult and have his food not chewed up first before taking a bite himself.

  “Okay, well, call if you need anything.”

  “Sarah, I’m sorry if I sounded like a jerk. I know it’s hard for you. It’s just it’s been hard for me, too. Now maybe I won’t feel like a complete letdown to Michael. And tired twenty-four seven because I’m trying to please him, too.”

  “It’s okay. I just want you to be happy. If you think this separation will do it, then I’m pleased for you both.”

  I don’t know what I was waiting for. A checkered flag? A thumbs-up? A direct quote, saying she was fine with whatever Michael wanted to do? Or who with. Nope, nope, nope. I needed to stop thinking of him.

  “Well, Charlie’s about to wake up. I’ve got to go.”

  “Okay, talk to you soon.”

  It was exam week. Five days until summer break. I was more excited than the students. For the past month, Michael smiled pleasantly in the halls. My mind tried not to go back to the evening of the masterful kiss. I hated the fact I still thought about it. Did it make me a complete whore for liking it? It’s like being in solitary confinement. Years I’ve gone without the moist wetness of someone else’s lips, colliding with mine. Could it have been anyone’s lips? I tried to assess my situation. It stunk I couldn’t relay it to anyone else. Just me and my lonely brain. The one that said repeatedly to stop thinking about my best friend’s soon-to-be ex-husband. I sighed.

  My car was the last one in the parking lot. Aunt Heidi had picked up Rose from preschool. She was going to feed her dinner and have mine warming in the oven. I had bushels of last minute end-of-the-year things to do. The influx of students beginning, the crap loads dealing with the students exiting…it was crazy. And also nice that it was light later in the day. It didn’t make me feel I was wasting my life away at work.

  I juggled to carry my three bags to the car and I saw something vaguely on my windshield. I squinted to see what it was. When I got closer, I saw it was a red rose. Attached was a note.

  Meet me at Stover’s Park

  Okay. Assuming it wasn’t a lunatic who left the note—and one who knew for certain the model and make of who they thought they were leaving it on—who could this be? Michael? Nah. We’d barely exchanged head nods in the last few weeks. I felt too dirty to even smile in his direction. And it certainly couldn’t be from Carter. He’d been seeing someone. I had no idea who. Liz didn’t know who either. And since we’d stopped eating together and hanging out, I’d never know. I tried to stay away from Carter Williams. I didn’t like setting my mind up for something that would never be.

  I drove cautiously to the park, because curiosity would certainly kill the cat if I hadn’t. But first I called Aunt Heidi to tell her I’d be a little late for dinner. There was about forty-five minutes left of daylight, so I’d be quick. My mind raced, thinking it had to be Michael, but then what would I do? He’d seemed different in school lately. His hair was always fixed, his tie always tightly knotted, and an easy smile rested nicely on his handsome face. Maybe sleeping at Gary’s was working out for him. Maybe Maggie and he weren’t destined to be. Not that I ever thought they made a great match, but like a pair of socks…you knew when you saw one, the matching one was close behind.

  He was leaning on his car when I pulled into the parking lot. Stover’s Park was all but abandoned at this late hour. It was a wildlife haven with trails marked for the avid hikers. Bear sightings, as well as deer were common; even mountain cats had been seen.

  “Hey.” I closed the door of my rental car. The noise echoed in the tall pines.

  “Hey.”

  I rambled over to him and gravel crushed under my feet.

  A slow smile spread to his face. “Thanks for coming.”

  “I wasn’t sure who I’d find. I had to see who it was who’d leave a rose on my car. You know, I had so many on my list that it could’ve been.”

  He drew back. His brow scrunched into ten tiny folds. “Are you serious? You have someone else who would do that?”

  I laughed. “Sadly, no.” I leaned on his car and stretched my legs next to his. “So how’s it going? Have you been all right? I talked to Maggie—she seems okay.”

  “It’s been better, I can’t lie.” He was so cavalier. “I miss Charlie, but I try to see him every day, or every other day. Depending when it suits her.”

  “That’s good.” I nodded and stared at the dark forest that bordered the parking area.

  “So you’re okay? I mean, you have no post problems after the accident? I see you have a new car. I had to watch you come in this morning so I’d know which one to leave the note on.”

  I looked toward the black Nissan. “It’s a rental, and no, I’ve had no repercussions from the accident. I was pretty lucky.”

  I wasn’t sure what we were doing here. In the forest…against his car. I pushed off the side and made a circle in the rocks with my shoe. “Well, I have to go and pick up Rose. I’m glad you’re doing okay, Michael. I want the best for you and Maggie.” I raised my head to look at him. “Thanks for the rose.”

  He reached over and pulled me close to him. Before I knew it, his hand was on the small of my back and his lips were fully on mine. My breath caught and I let him slowly devour me. That is, until my brain switched back on.

  “Michael.” I pushed myself away.

  “What?” he whispered, pulling me closer.

  “This isn’t right. You’re…you’re—”

  With lust still glazing his eyes, he searched for what to say. I could smell the aftershave on his cheeks. “Sarah, I can’t get you off my mind. The last thing I want you to think I am is a schmuck. I know your relationship to Maggie. But I’ve moved out. I don’t see us going anywhere. I tried the marriage counseling, the lists of pros and cons she forced both of us to write. And the only conclusion either one of us had was we weren’t good together anymore. Charlie is our focus now. We’ve flat-lined. Some marriages just don’t work out.”

  I stepped back, out of reach from him. His presence—and all that talk about not getting me off his mind—clouded my judgment. Sure, they were over. Okay, now what? Husbands don’t just become automatic recycled waste. You don’t just find one on the side of the road, pick him up, dust him off with a hair-standing-on-my-ends kind of kiss and presto, Maggie and Michael disappear. They will always be. Like initials carved in a tree. Tattooed on the forefront of my brain. This could never work.

  “Michael, this can’t be. You, me, here…” I pointed like a crazy person. “There is so much history, so much…” I stammered. So much what? “It just couldn’t.”

  I hurried off to the side of my car.

  He chased after me. “Wait a minute, Sarah.”

  I flung open my door. “No.”

  “Are you going to tell me you don’t feel something when we kiss? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that when I see you in the halls, you don’t feel something? Anything?”

  I couldn’t. Because I did. Lots of things happened to my body when I saw him. When they used to come over for dinner, I’d think “Oh, how lucky Maggie is. He’s handsome, charming, l
oves his son.” Never did I once bite my fist and wish it was me he was going to be sleeping with that night. Ew, of course not. But now…in a single light…he was attractive in that way. In a “I wish he was sleeping with me that night” sort of way. And I felt like a complete slut for even thinking it.

  “I feel something, all right!”

  “Okay, that’s all I wanted to know.”

  He turned to walk back to his car.

  “But Michael, the cards are stacked against this. Don’t you understand?” He took a few steps back to where I stood. “I’ve dated a lot of guys in my lifetime. None I can recall who have been my friend for years. Someone I knew through puberty. I remember when your voice changed that one summer we went to camp, witnessing you morph to this.” I looked him up and down. Nothing out of place there. “Besides…you’re married. TO MY BEST FRIEND!” I yelled. It was wonderful for effect. Hopefully it’d get my point across.

  He grabbed me by the arms. “Sarah, stop it.”

  I stood still.

  His strong hands clutched my arms. “I’d love to date you.”

  “How sick is that? You’re a married man, Michael. And I’m the godmother to your son.”

  “Oh my gosh, is there any winning with you?”

  “Probably not. Just save yourself some time here and stop whatever you thought was going on. I appreciate the rose, the kiss, and the image that someone was thinking about me, but it’s over. Now I’ve got to go pick up my daughter. Please allow me.”

  His hands freed my arms and his lips fell shut.

  I walked to my car, started it, looked at him standing in the same spot I left him, and pulled out. As empty as I felt thinking anything would ever come from this, I felt even more empty leaving him behind.

  School was finally out. Well, for the kids. For the administration, it was work as usual. That meant there was little distraction of crowds to keep me from bumping into Michael. After the park meet up, he began doing silly little things—obviously clueless to what I’d just laid down to the man about never and ever, and never and ever going to happen. One night, he sent a pizza to my house. He’d seen me leave late and heard me telling Liz I was craving one. Knowing I’d never order one because I’m the type to go home and make soup, he had one taken to me, attached with a note from him. The delivery guy was a bit weirded out about giving the note. Rose found it exciting.

  “Mommy, why did the man bring us food?”

  She was so unaccustomed to eating anything but what I or Aunt Heidi made, it was like a field trip for her. She opened the box as though it were a treasure. Her little cheeks squeezed out some serious dimples, and she snatched a green pepper off a piece and then belly laughed.

  I took the card and read it while fishing through the fridge for a drink.

  Just something to make life a little easier tonight. Enjoy, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

  I swear, that man. That man who I thought of kissing. That man, who I now wore a rubber band around my wrist, snapping each time I thought about wanting to kiss him. Liz saw me doing damage to myself earlier and asked what gave.

  “I’m trying to get off coffee. Each time I crave it, I remind myself how bad it is for me, and snap it hard.”

  “Seriously?” She looked at me with a deadpan look. “I’d endure wild turtle snappers attached to both my ankles if I thought someone was going to take down my coffee supply.”

  “Yes, well, that’s you, my dear.”

  And then there was the morning I came into work to find a bunch of white daisies on my chair, tied together with a red ribbon. There was no note, but I knew they were from him. And I was still smiling from our two-hour phone conversation a couple of nights ago. It was after Rose went to bed. I heard my phone chirp on the other side of the bed.

  “Hey.”

  My stomach flipped, before I hit it and reminded myself to chill out. “Hey.”

  “I’m just laying here in bed. Thinking about you.”

  “Really?”

  Wow. I never thought I’d ever have someone lying in bed thinking about me again. Not that anyone ever did. Well, maybe. I’d like to think so. I certainly did think of other guys when I was dating them.

  “Yeah. I thought you looked pretty today in that yellow dress. It was hard to concentrate on Carter’s lecture about deadlines and the faculty picnic.”

  “Was it now?”

  “Sure was. And with your hair up, no doubt. My eyes kept wandering to your neck. Wanting to—”

  “Okay, I get the picture.” No sense in getting all hot and bothered. My air conditioning wasn’t working properly, and I had our only fan blowing in the hallway, directing the air to Rose’s room.

  “What? You don’t want me to say what I feel?”

  “I’m not exactly sure what I want. It seems to be a moot point anyway. Have you talked lately to Maggie?”

  I spoke briefly with her yesterday. She was going through some rough patches. But all in all, she believed it was still the right choice. Her mother had a party about the news of the separation, I believe. She never did bless that odd union. She would, however, lend her support—no doubt—to Jones. Liz said she saw Maggie and him at Starbucks in the city. Of course, Charlie was there too. But Jones was holding him. I’m not too sure what Michael would feel about that.

  “I spoke with her tonight after I tucked in Charlie.”

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  “And did you think ‘Why am I leaving this woman? I love this woman? I had a child with this woman? This woman’s neck is voluptuous…I want to—’”

  “Sarah!” he said loudly in the receiver of my phone. “Stop.”

  “Stop what? I’m just checking.”

  “Well, no, I didn’t think any of those things. I’m fine. Maggie’s fine. We’re fine without each other. It’s a breath of fresh air, if you want to know the truth. There are so much expectations off my back now. I have a better time with Charlie, in fact.”

  “That’s good.”

  “So…”

  “So?”

  “When can I take you out?”

  Out? As in outside the confines of my kitchen…not in the deep recesses of the wilderness? Near to dark time?

  “I’m not so sure out is an option.”

  “So we can’t arrive at a restaurant together, eat food sitting across the table from each other, and possibly catch a movie at the same theater? Ever?”

  “Well, we are friends. And we do eat. But there can’t be any physical contact. It would be as if we were just having dinner. Friends do that, right? Maybe next week?”

  “Next week? Why next week? What’s wrong with this week?”

  “Because Shana’s birthday party sleepover isn’t until next week. And then we can go into the city and eat at a fancy restaurant. I can’t tell you the last time I ate somewhere that a waiter actually came to the table and asked what I wanted to eat. And the food wasn’t selected from a neon sign located on the wall.”

  “That does sound good. Do you know the last time I ate at a restaurant? Let alone one that didn’t come with highchairs at the front door that you walked back to your table.”

  “Yeah, I get it. I never went out, it seemed. Rose was a noisy little tyke. And I always got tired of explaining why Daddy wasn’t dining with us that night. Take the other menu off the table, for Pete’s sake. I’m a single mother! You’d think I was a part of the traveling circus act or something.”

  “Well then, next week it is. It’s a date.”

  “Well, it’s dinner.”

  I pulled another piece of pizza from the box and let the greasy cheese dance a little with my taste buds. It was scrumptious. Rose could barely finish her one slice and I was on my third.

  “Mommy, do you wish you had a husband? Like Shana’s mom? Shana’s daddy cooks sometimes. And Shana’s mommy gets to play Hi Ho! Cherry-O with us.”

  “Oh, someday I’ll get a husband. Do you wish you had a daddy? Someone to do the dishes while I pl
ay with you and your friends?”

  She thought about it. I saw her tiny fingers play with the crust on her plate. Then a smile spread on her face. “I do. I wish I had a daddy. He could pick me up and throw me way up in the sky and tell me I was his princess. Like Shana’s daddy does. I’m afraid you’d drop me. You’re not strong like Shana’s daddy.”

  I smiled at my little baby girl, but my heart ached. I wanted that so much for Rose. A daddy to call her princess. Sam used to call Sophie his princess. Sometimes I regretted everything that happened with Sam. I went in waves of hating him for loving Gennifer and her daughters, and moments of wishing I’d told him about Rose. I fantasized he left Charleston and that twit and fell in love with me and Rose. Then I woke up from said daydream and realized how silly my mind was. Finding someone wasn’t going to be like it used to be. Now they’d have to be good enough for my baby girl, too.

  I’d helped Rose get ready for bed, read her a story, and shut her door for the night when I heard my phone ping. I checked the screen. It was Michael.

  Open your door.

  I walked to the window and didn’t see his car. I ran to the back door and turned on the outside light. He was on the porch. I opened the door and pulled him inside, signaling for him to keep his voice down.

  “What are you doing here? It’s 8:30. Is anything wrong?”

  “Only that I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to see you.”

  The corners of his mouth turned up when he said it.

  “I think it’s that you didn’t want to sit and watch Gary file his nails.” Honest to God, Gary had better-looking nails than I did. I would even go as far as saying he wore clear polish, although in some light it didn’t reflect as much.

  “Will you shut up, and just come here?”

  He pulled me close and kissed me. My eyes closed, but I didn’t allow it to go far. We were in my lit kitchen, with my daughter only a couple of rooms away. Not to mention I was still reeling from rubber band lash on my wrist for thinking about kissing him.