Pursuing Sarah (Sarah Series Book 2) Read online

  I snapped back to reality. “Sam, you can take the couch. I’ll—”

  “Shh…” he whispered, pulling me closer.

  His hand rested in the small of my back while the other one played with my fingers. My toes pressed into the earth with each step, and my mind wandered. This man who could sweep me away had no idea I took a piece of him with me when I left five years ago. And if he did, I don’t think he’d be forgiving. How could I ask him to be? That’s why I had to stop whatever was getting started.

  I pulled back to look at him so he could hear me. “Sam—”

  That’s when I saw in his eyes what I feared. Regret, despair, and what-if. I stepped back. He didn’t let go. “We can’t, Sam.”

  “There’s nothing stopping us, Sarah. The second I saw you today, I knew my feelings for you never left. They’re still there. And I think you feel something too. That’s why you keep backing away from me. Not looking at me. You’re scared. But I’ll never lie to you again. I was a fool, Sarah. If only I could go back. I’d change everything. I’d tell you everything.”

  I squeezed out of his grip and walked away. He came after me and turned me around. This time he didn’t ask permission. He pulled me in and kissed me hard. My breath caught as I evaporated in his arms. I tried to stop it, tried not to want it, but I couldn’t resist. It felt so right. Suddenly my mind took over and I broke away. I rushed off toward the winery. I couldn’t let this happen. I’d done too much, hid too much to ever make this a viable solution. This would never be, and the sooner I got space between us, the quicker he’d realize it, too.

  Tom was at the bar when I burst inside. He was drinking from a tumbler now. I tried to seem normal. As if I didn’t just escape the jaws of fate. Barely wearing any shred of dignity. I straightened my hair and set my glass on the edge of the counter.

  “Did Sam get sucked into the bunny hop?”

  “No, he’s just taking in the night. He’ll be in in a minute, I guess. Say, could you show me to that room? I’d like to make a call if I can.”

  “Sure.” He stood up, making a noise as if it hurt. “Follow me.”

  “Is Kate gone?” I looked around the empty room.

  “She’s checking on the staff at the other building. All the catering is performed in that one. But after that, she’s headed home. Why? Is there anything you need? I can call her if you want.”

  “No, I was just wondering. I wanted to thank her for letting us stay.”

  “She’ll be back in the morning.”

  “Okay, I’ll see her then.”

  “This way.”

  He led me to his office suite and switched on the light. His desk was separate from the little area that housed a small fridge and comfy-looking couch. He was right; it was oversized and looked as if it’d suck you in for a good, healthy nap. I touched the supple fabric and made the light color change to dark. The throw pillows felt stuffed with down feathers.

  “This is nice.”

  “I get a lot done in here. Both conscious and unconscious.” He laughed.

  “I can see how.” I stroked the sofa some more and looked at the chandelier hanging above us. It took the rustic feeling to comfy and inviting.

  “Well, Sam has our number if you need anything. Make yourself at home. Blankets are in the linen closet inside the bathroom. There’s a small shower and towels. I wish I had more to offer you.”

  “This is gracious of you. Thank you.”

  I smiled and closed the door. I sauntered to the window and looked out to the back pasture. My eyes searched for Sam but I couldn’t find his shadow. I wondered where he was. If he was hurt. If he was confused. I needed to get home. I needed miles between us. Between any of this…this confusion…this whatever it was. Our time had passed. Just like Tom described with whoever haunts him when he hears music at a wedding.

  I pressed my phone to wake it up, and called Aunt Heidi. Before it rang, I hung up, realizing it was almost midnight. Rose would be asleep, along with everyone else. I missed my goodnight call. I sat on the sofa and tossed my phone into my bag. I couldn’t believe I was so far away from anything I knew better. Listening to the little Liz in my head got me in more trouble than opportunity.

  It was three o’clock in the morning. The lamp on the desk was still on. I looked at the grandfather clock in Tom’s office and scanned the room. There wasn’t much room to survey to know Sam wasn’t there. He’d never come up. I pulled myself to the back of the couch to see outside. There were brighter lights on underneath the tent, and larger ones on poles outside of it. I saw some movement—maybe staff cleaning up, maybe some drifters who didn’t want the party to end. I wondered where Sam went. I walked downstairs in search of him. I didn’t have to look far. He sat in a chair. His head rested on his hand, and his feet were stretched across, resting in another chair.

  I nudged him. “Sam.”

  He opened his eyes. I waited for him to say something. Instead, he closed his eyes, again.

  “Can you believe they’re still out there?”

  I looked on the back patio. There was a group of people; their voices were unable to be heard, although I could see their mouths moving. The girls were in red striped lounge chairs and the guys sat on the concrete, sprawled out like crabs. I don’t think they could see us inside. It was dark except for a light on under the bar. I could only make out Sam’s outline.

  “Sam, come upstairs. There’s a sofa. It’s large enough you can take one side, and I can take the other.”

  “I’m fine. Go back up.”

  “Sam, I’m not going upstairs without you.”

  “Go, Sarah. I’m fine.”

  I knelt beside him. “Sam, I’m sorry about running away. You just…you just took me off guard.”

  “You kissed me, Sarah. I didn’t imagine it. You kissed me, and something made you run away.”

  I hated when he knew me. “Sam, our time together has passed. It happens all the time. I’ve got friends at home who I’m afraid their time has passed. It’s sometimes just a small window, but when it closes, it’s not meant to be opened. Letting that kiss continue would open something that can never be opened again.”

  “He told me about her.”

  “He, who? What are you talking about?”

  “Tom. He told me about the woman who he’s still hung up on. You know, the ship that sailed. We were working late, and he confided he wasn’t sure about the wedding extension of his business. He said it was at a wedding that he met her.”

  “Where is she now? Does Kate know about her?”

  “She ended up marrying someone else.”

  I looked back at the bar. Tom’s empty glass sat on the counter. “That’s sad.”

  “I don’t want to be Tom, Sarah. I don’t want to go through life knowing I screwed up the one good thing in my life.”

  “I’m not that good thing, Sam. I’m not.”

  “I screwed up royally not telling you about Gennifer. I don’t know what I was thinking…or not thinking.”

  “You let me believe Sophie was your niece. And you didn’t tell me it was someone; Gennifer had to destroy my car. She was insane, Sam, and you didn’t tell me. Who does that to their wife? She could’ve done more damage than to my car. She could’ve taken Sophie, and I wasn’t even on the lookout for something like that.”

  “I know. And because I thought I could handle it, I ended up losing the most important thing…you.”

  I put down my rock, seeing I was sitting inside my own glass house. How could I persecute him when I held back my own secret now?

  “I forgive you, Sam. I just can’t reconcile things with you.” I lowered my head. “Please come up. I can’t think of you sitting up the rest of the night. At least lay on the floor beside the sofa. Tom showed me where the blankets are.”

  He wouldn’t look at me. “No, you go on. Morning will be here soon enough.”

  I sighed and reached out to touch him. I stopped myself and drifted back upstairs. Watching the activity d
own at the tent was like watching an aquarium of fish. It finally put me to sleep.

  “Kate, thank you for your hospitality. I’m sorry we kind of dropped in on you and didn’t leave until today.”

  Tom was helping Sam carry wine to the car. He barely said ten words during the breakfast Kate brought us. I couldn’t stop feeling rotten for what my stalking visit to his house ultimately caused.

  “No apology necessary. I’m grateful for the visit. Tom actually had to come home last night and not sleep at the winery.”

  I walked slower on the graveled parking lot, listening to what more light she had to shed on why Tom seemed a million miles away. I was beginning to see that distant look in Sam.

  “Oh.”

  “He says he’s happy here, but I have my doubts.” She kept her voice low.

  “Do you think he misses law? I took a semester of it and can tell you quite frankly, I don’t know how anyone does that as a career.”

  A thin smile appeared and then quickly faded. “I’m not thinking it’s as much law as it is someone else.”

  I looked up and saw the two men laughing at the rear of the car. He seemed to be happy now.

  “An ex-wife? Is he a widower?” For some reason, I didn’t want her to know how much I knew.

  “No, she’s the one you could say who got away.”

  “I see. What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.” I felt she wanted to talk about it. Even if we had only minutes before I’d drive away and probably never see her again. Sometimes talking to strangers is the best therapy you can get.

  “She moved away. Then I became sick. And being the gentleman he is, he stayed to take care of me.”

  “Does he talk to her still? Does he know where she’s at?”

  “Yes, he knows. She sends Christmas cards, although he never told her he moved. Or about his heart attack. The cards get forwarded here. And I guess on occasion he still talks to her. He never tells me, but I know by how happy he is. It usually happens after her birthday or the holidays.” She grabbed her mouth. “I don’t know why I feel like I can talk to you. You have an ease about you. Please forgive my babbling on. I’m just lonely. My sister and family are all back in Portland. I don’t get many people I feel comfortable with.”

  “No, it’s perfectly fine. I’m a counselor, so I’m glad you feel at ease. I’m well versed in listening.”

  “I’m just so tired of competing with a memory of someone. I want him to be happy, but I’m not sure he really can ever be.”

  We got closer to the car and Kate’s subject matter changed. I touched her on the hand and smiled. Who isn’t trapped in a situation you have very little control over?

  “Well, you two have a safe trip back, and please return. By then we’ll have the house finished and you can stay the weekend.”

  “Thanks, Kate. And you too, Tom.” I shook his hand and he pulled me in for a quick hug.

  The plane ride back was as quiet as the morning breakfast. Sam stared out the window and made small talk about the weather differences of Maine and Charleston. I took it in stride, knowing he was brooding and had every right. As soon as this girl touched the ground, I was running fast to the nearest corner to suck my thumb and cry in my spilled milk. I can’t believe I got stuck with Sam overnight. The exact person I was never to have any further contact with in life. It helped in the process of a perpetual guilty conscience.

  “I had my office take your car to my house. I wasn’t certain which hotel you were staying for them to drop it there.”

  I looked at him. “What? You mean my car isn’t where I left it?” I did remember handing my key off to him, but I was so confused by the large aircraft and the “Do you want to go for a drink.” Who does this?

  “Well, no. They took mine, too. But don’t worry; they have it waiting for us when we land. I’ll just take you back home with me and you can leave from there.”

  Another car ride with him? Back to his house? Could I be tortured anymore? Seriously?

  “Okay.”

  Sam shut my door and I took a deep breath, preparing myself for one last ride with him. One last moment in time where I’d be close enough to reach out and touch him. I tried not to become saddened by the thought. But this was my bed, and I would sleep in it. And never get caught stalking him ever again. Because I’d never set foot in Charleston ever again. Robena would get bombarded by 1-800-Flowers for the next milestone birthday. Heck, I might even send a hologram of myself with it. But I’d never come here again.

  “Who was that?” I asked, as soon as the plane that was taking off had gotten far enough away for him to hear me. I pulled at my ears, as if it would help stop the ringing.

  Sam rubbed his chin as he set his phone in the console area of the car. He stole a look at me before putting his car in gear and backing out. It was a look as though he was surprised I asked. I was, too. What about all those talks in my head not to say another word and just ride off in the sunset like a ghost? A stupid ghost.

  “It was Phyllis Meeker. She’s the mother who took Sophie for the week.”

  “Is everything okay? You seemed concerned.” Stop while you’re ahead. My car was within miles of a smooth getaway.

  “Actually, if you have a minute, I’d like to stop off and pick up Sophie before heading home. It’s on the way.”

  “Pick her up? Isn’t she in Asheville?”

  “No, they got back last night. Seems Sophie isn’t feeling well. She thought she was just homesick, but she’s still complaining.”

  “Well, of course, go pick her up.” My breathing began to grow rapid. Any time someone mentioned a child being sick, my mom hormones took over. So much for a quick getaway.

  I stood by the car door, biting my bottom lip and staring at the grooves in the gray cement. I insisted Sam go into the house to get Sophie alone. I didn’t want to carry a circus into their home of octopus hugs and tears, or worse, awkwardness in the worst degree as a cold stare-off. Plus it gave me a chance to send a quick text to Aunt Heidi, telling my own little girl good morning. Each time I thought of her now, I added an extra mound of guilt for knowing of her existence without Sam even suspecting. Being in Colorado would soften that in time—I hoped. Who knows, maybe, when I was safely out of his reach for my neck, I’d drop him a letter and explain how for years I had amnesia and now realized Rose was his. I’d work on it. And then, of course, he’d never speak to me again, but I was beginning to see the truth about her daddy was inevitable.

  “Oh my gosh.” I wiped a foolish tear from my eye when I saw this beautiful, freckled child walking closer to me. She was gorgeous.

  “Sarah? Is that you?” She dropped the bag she was carrying and crashed into me.

  I steadied my balance and knelt over, hugging her. I pressed my eyes closed and drank in the moment. My tea party princess had grown up. Almost. She was still way smaller than the students who filled the halls at the high school. But it was obvious she got her height gene honestly…from both her parents.

  I pulled back to wipe her sandy-blonde hair from her eyes. “I can’t believe I got to see you, Sophie. Look at you.” I held her arm and smiled. “Beautiful as ever. And so tall.”

  She tilted her head and grinned. A dimple peeked from her cheek.

  “Are you here to stay, Sarah? Have you moved back? I told Daddy not to mess with your room. And I kept your perfume and makeup safe in my closet. I can give it back to you now.”

  “You kept my—”

  “Well, let’s get off the Meekers’ lawn, shall we?” Sam interrupted Sophie’s misconception of what I was doing back. “We have to get you home.”

  Sophie ran back and picked up her bag. I made sure not to look at Sam, who was putting her other luggage in the trunk. She grabbed my arm and squeezed it with a smile that could melt the sun. I forgot how loving she was, and how much I missed her.

  “Let me feel your head, honey.”

  I cupped my hand and pressed it to her forehead. There was a sick warmness to it. A
nd her eyes looked glassy. “Are you still feeling bad?”

  “Yeah, but it’s okay. Francine said I was just being a whiny baby and wanted to come back to Daddy. Sometimes I don’t like her.” She did a pouty face.

  “Well, I think you have a fever.” I looked at Sam. “I think you might need to take her to the doctor, Sam. Is there a clinic open on Sunday?”

  “Can it wait until tomorrow? She doesn’t appear to be in distress, and her doctor isn’t open on the weekends.”

  She scooted the backseat and I looked in her eyes. Despite her warm welcome to me, she was shrinking into a puddle of yuck, holding tight to her stuffed whale. She must take it along on sleepovers—I could see a worn patch where gray fuzz used to be on its neck.

  “I don’t know. Especially if the mom said she’s been feeling poorly for a couple days. I’d just take her to one of those emerge-clinics. There should be one out past the city, right before the bridge. At least that’s where I used to see them. I had to go once when I lived here. It was decent enough, and you knew within an hour what was wrong.”

  “That’s in the opposite direction of home.”

  “And?”

  “I’m sure you want to leave.”

  “Sarah? Are you going somewhere?” Her voice was low when she asked, almost as if she were asking why I would take her whale from her and throw it out the window.

  I turned around. “Not until I know you’re all better.” I looked back at Sam. “I can go with you. Just head that way.”

  Luckily, not many people were sick that morning. Sophie laid on Sam and kept hold of my hand. We didn’t have to wait long. Sam kept glancing over at me. I pretended not to think it was a big deal…me and him, dealing with a sick little girl…together. Okay, I did try on the image in my sick mind: what-if and how about this kind of thing.