Leaving Amy (Amy #2) Page 4

  “So now what? I tell him that after thinking about it, I actually want to continue dating before we get as serious as moving in together? And then map out a diagram when all of this needs to take place? Like a timeline?” I shook my head. “Sometimes love needs to not be thought-out. That’s when you know you’re really in it. If I have to flow chart it, maybe I’m not totally bought into it.”

  “Are you?”

  “Am I what?”

  “Are you totally bought into it with him? I mean, he’s prepared to jet off across the country and the first person he should be discussing this with is you. Instead, he keeps it from you for two weeks, then makes preparations with his boss, then tells you. Furthermore, he doesn’t sound too concerned about what you think about leaving. Like this is something you’ll love as much as him.”

  I pulled my hand back and placed it on my lap. “You’re right. He didn’t even tell me it was a possibility last week. Why didn’t he?”

  “I guess he considers himself still single. I know it was a difficult transition for me when I got divorced and didn’t have to get approval for business trips anymore. I just began saying yes to anything at any time that took me away.”

  I looked around the room again, thinking about what Tom was telling me. It made perfect sense. Mark was used to doing what he wanted without checking with someone. It didn’t change how I felt about it. “I don’t want to move, Tom.”

  “Then don’t, Amy.”

  “But I don’t want to lose Mark, either.”

  “It shouldn’t be a choice. If you love someone, you should be willing to put them first.”

  “Or, if you love someone, you should let them go and seize an opportunity.”

  Suddenly, moo goo gai pan wasn’t so appealing. I pushed away my plate and rested my chin in my hand, staring out the window at the dusk settling on the back lawn. This was moving way too fast, and with way too many obstacles. My mother always told me if something was meant to be, it would happen with ease. If it wasn’t, there would be road signs. I think I just found a big one.

  “Five months of dating is a baby step compared to the type of commitment it takes to move across the country. I mean, what if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason? Then I’m stuck in Chicago without anyone.”

  “You always have me. Don’t ever forget that.” His charming smile lit his face.

  “Of course not.”

  “Don’t forget, too, that he’ll be extremely busy being the new doctor. His patient load will be full; he’ll be learning all the new procedures, trying to make a good impression, and then what’s left when he comes home?”

  Oh my gosh. It sounded horrible. The first year in a relationship is tough enough without adding a new state, new jobs, and a new place to settle into. This was sounding more awful as it went along.

  I heard my phone vibrate from my bag underneath the chair. I’d managed to avoid talking to Mark all day, but pretty soon I’d have to. I told myself I’d ignore it just once more before ending my evening with Tom and picking up the phone to call Mark on my way home.

  “I’m sorry to be such a Debbie-downer tonight, Tom. And look at all of my favorite things you went and bought just for me. You are a girl’s best friend.” I smiled and leaned across the table to touch his cheek. Stubble scratched across my fingertips.

  “Anytime. You know I’m always here when you need me.”

  He stood up and took the cake from the table and handed it to me. “Here, take it home. It’ll only go to waste here.”

  I laughed. “It’ll only go to my hips if I take it with me. But thank you.” I took it from him. “Before I go, tell me how it’s going with that woman from your gym. You mentioned last week you were taking her out over the weekend.”

  He pushed in his chair and looked down, shaking his head. “The only thing I can say is it reminded me of how much I hate dating.”

  I pulled my bag up from the Chintz rug, trying to balance the cake with my other hand. “Oh, Tom. Don’t say that. You have to keep trying.”

  “Keep trying? Amy, you know as well as I do that one doesn’t go and find love—it finds you.”

  I flashed a sweet smile to him. “Well played, Tom McTavish. I suppose I’ll have to send some women over to your office to ‘find’ you.” I held up air quotations.

  He placed his large hand on my shoulder and escorted me to the door. “Amy, you’ve ruined it for me. No one can reach the bar you’ve set.”

  A deep sigh lodged in my chest. “Tom—”

  He pulled open the front door. “Amy, just drive safely. And give him hell. If he’s any type of a decent chap, he’ll choose you over the job. If he doesn’t, he’s a fool.”

  “Mark.” I drove unconsciously too slow on the way to my apartment. The car behind me had its high beams blinding me in the rearview mirror.

  “Amy, I’ve been trying to reach you all day. I finally called your work and they said you’d left early. Where are you?”

  To tell him I went to Tom’s would just add to the minutes arguing on the phone. But I didn’t want to lie, either. “I’ve been driving and thinking.”

  “Are you okay?” His voice sounded worried.

  “I will be. Are you coming over? We need to talk.”

  I freaked out the moment the suggestion left my lips. This would mean that I would have something to say. Find some type of solution. The fact was, I didn’t have either in me. All I had were my feelings and I never put too much investment in those. I was famous for second-guessing everything I felt. Wondering whether it met everyone’s expectations of me. I would only admit them to the mirror in my bathroom. And this morning I told my mirror that I didn’t feel comfortable moving in with Mark so early in our relationship. I felt like a total failure coming into a relationship not even divorced. And I certainly didn’t see myself moving to Chicago. I’d be damned if I let him know any of this and damned if I didn’t. I knew what had to be done. I’d have to let him go. I knew what heartbreak felt like. I could do it again. Then I’d never look at another man. I’d keep to the single edge of town and keep ice cream and chocolate cake stockpiled in the fridge.

  “Jake had a family emergency, so I have to stay for his shift tonight. But that means I’ll be off early tomorrow, so I’d like to come over right after work. Or, better yet, could you come to my place? All of your boxes in the apartment are a bit intimidating.”

  “Sure.” I took a deep breath before I asked the next question. “Did Chicago call today?”

  There was no response. I actually looked at the face of my phone to see whether the call dropped.

  “They did.”

  “And?”

  “It was actually a conference call with the chief and the director of human resources.”

  “And?” What did I need to do to get to the meat of the discussion? A megaphone and MapQuest?

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow about it.”

  “Don’t make me wait, Mark.” I braked at a stoplight that’d turned yellow.

  His tone went lower in volume. “They offered it to me.”

  My heart dipped into my shoes. And then I wanted to get out of the car and stomp the ground like an insolent child. Break out a few windows of my car. Shout to the world that my life would get no better. My entire world just collapsed. Every promise of a future with this guy, every daydream…gone. And not even over infidelity. This time it was a job that snuffed me out.

  “Amy?”

  I cleared my throat and prayed the first sound wasn’t shaky. “Okay, well, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Amy, don’t get off the phone. Tell me what you’re thinking?”

  “I have to go, Mark. I’ll…I’ll just…whatever. Talk to you later.”

  I was so scared I was going to start bawling on the phone I had to hang up. After I did, I threw the phone on the passenger seat. It ricocheted off the cake container and landed on the floorboard. I jumped when I heard a horn blow behind me. I looked up at the green light and moved
forward.

  I wasn’t sure what I’d say to him tomorrow when I saw him. Or, how I’d say it, rather. One look into those needful eyes and I’d fall apart. Maybe I could just leave a note for him tonight.

  “Dear Mark, I’ve loved falling in love with you these past few months. I’ll always remember how you were the one who woke me up and made me start living. I wish the best for you in Chicago. You have my heart to take with you, but I must stay behind. Love, Amy.”

  Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll get a messenger service to deliver it tomorrow night. That way he won’t be able to find me because I’ll stay in a hotel and tell Wesley to pick me up Wednesday morning. I’ll last until the end of the week being out of reach at the cabin. There’s no way Mark can try to persuade me to do something I might—or he might—end up regretting. I’ll swallow it down as love that couldn’t be. I’d done it before. Granted, I didn’t want to become a champ at it.

  Chapter Four

  I wasn’t sure whether it was the unusual noises that the hotel room made all night or the fact that I knew Mark got the note and was trying to reach me. Whatever it was, I didn’t get a wink of sleep. I gripped my suitcase, threw my overnight bag over my shoulder and shut the door. Wesley was supposed to be out front at eleven o’clock. It would take three hours to get to the cabin. Hopefully I could sleep the whole way there.

  I jumped in the car after looking like a runaway, checking left and right over the entire parking lot. “Let’s go.” I raised my voice and pointed, situating the suitcase between the seat, trying to shimmy it in the back.

  “Do you mind telling me why exactly I’m picking you up at a hotel, Amy?” Wesley dodged the cumbersome bag I was tossing.

  Why wasn’t he speeding by now? I looked at him, trying to get one of my bags roped from around my neck. It caught on my hair and I squealed. “No. Now just go.”

  He put the Jeep in drive and pulled out onto the road. I buckled my seat belt and rested my head back on the seat. I felt so deceitful. But in my head, this was the only way. Someone had to pull the plug on me and Mark, and it had to be me. No matter how I considered all the other ways around it, nothing resulted in us staying together. I even thought about frequent flyer miles adding up to make the journey every other weekend. In the end, I could never hold up to that kind of relationship. I didn’t do well without someone close by. Even when he works a lot, I get insecure everything will be all right. I hate staying cooped up in my apartment with no one to talk to. But Chicago? No, this was the only way. Clean breaks are the best breaks. It worked well with Wesley, but then again, look who I was riding with to the cabin for a cameo appearance at Thanksgiving.

  “Come on, Amy. My mind won’t rest not knowing why you’re being so secretive. I mean, damn, we never went anywhere when we were together. Now I’m picking you up from a local hotel and speeding out of the lot on two wheels. What gives? And don’t tell me nothing. I think I should know what’s going down when I see flashing lights behind me. Are you in some kind of trouble?”

  I planted my hand on my hip and looked at Wesley with one cocked eye. “Seriously? You think I’m in trouble with the law? Me?”

  “Yeah, far-fetched, huh?” He looked in his rearview mirror, trying to merge into the interstate traffic. It was busy for the holiday. Cars whizzed by us at high speeds.

  “For your information, not that it concerns you, because I’m no longer your concern, but I ended my relationship last night with Mark. And I didn’t want to see him so I stayed at a hotel. Satisfied?”

  A smile spread large across his lips. “No freaking way?”

  “Yes, freaking way. And don’t ask me anymore about it. I don’t care to share. Thank you. And wipe that smile off your face, will ya?” I folded my hands on my lap and stared out the side window. Why couldn’t I just be going somewhere else, with someone else?

  “Well, if you ask me, I can’t believe you were with the guy in the first place. I mean, really? My doctor, Amy?”

  “Be quiet, Wesley. I’m too tired to argue right now with you.” I tossed my hands back and forth a few times. “And anyway, really? Cheating on me with a floozy? One who stole from you?”

  “All right, truce. We were both stupid, I guess.”

  “Actually, you were more stupid.” I fake smiled at him and turned back toward the window. My body yearned to go to sleep, but my mind would not allow it. As much as I didn’t want to talk about Mark, I really needed to. But certainly not with Wesley. “I’m going to try to sleep a little. Wake me up a little before we get there, if you don’t mind.”

  “You got it.” He tuned the station on the radio to something less hard rock than what was currently playing.

  “Amy, wake up.”

  I unfolded the hand that was holding up my chin and shuddered with pain. It’d fallen asleep and felt quite broken, swinging on the hinge of my wrist with the sensation of a thousand needles pricking it. I sat up and looked out. It was raining, and the swooshing of the windshield wipers could’ve easily lulled me back to sleep.

  “Where are we?”

  “We’re about twenty minutes from the cabin. I thought it’d give you a chance not to look sleepy-eyed when we walked in.” He looked over at me, his eyes weighing heavy. “You know how it takes forever for sleep lines to vanish from your face.”

  “Yeah, thanks.” I rolled my neck around my shoulders. Wesley’s new Jeep wasn’t the most comfortable contraption to sleep in. Even if it was identical to his previous one, the Limited Edition he’d ordered and waited an entire month to come into the dealership. He’d planned more for his vehicle than our own wedding.

  “Your bag sounds as if there’s a squirrel inside it. All that thing did was move and vibrate. At first I thought I’d have to pull off and take a club to it. Then I realized it must’ve been your phone.”

  My blood pressure elevated again, just thinking about Mark redialing my number every chance he got, between rounds at the hospital. I imagined his patients were not getting his full attention today, and it weighed heavy on my heart. In time it would get easier. Certainly with so many states between us within a short month, it would be very possible to forget me altogether.

  “Yeah, but I’m not answering it. I suppose I should just turn it off.” A frown found its way to my lips as I closed my eyes, trying not to see his face in my memory.

  “So, what did he do to get dumped?” Wesley turned on his blinker and checked his rearview mirror to get off the next exit.

  “He’s moving to Chicago.”

  “Whoa.”

  Short and simple. Kind of how I felt when Mark told me.

  “So he’s just leaving you?”

  “Kind of. He asked me to go, but I can’t.”

  Surprisingly, Wesley didn’t have anything to say about that. I drummed my fingers on the armrest and watched the rain splatter on the glass before it got carried off by the arms of the wipers. I could’ve done this for the rest of the evening.

  “I noticed you were packing when I came to your apartment Sunday. Where are you moving?”

  “I was moving in with Mark next week. That was until he told me he was moving out next week. To Chicago.”

  “So are you still moving now?”

  “I have to. The landlord has it rented to someone else. Why?”

  “Where will you go?” He placed his other hand on the wheel and took the tight turn to the stoplight.

  “I don’t know. I suppose I’ll find another place. I didn’t like that one, anyway. It was across town and the commute to work wasn’t the greatest. I always got trapped in traffic.”

  He pulled on the inside of his thigh, shaking out his left leg a little. With one hand now covering his mouth, he spoke quietly into it. I strained to hear him. “If you had nowhere else to go, you could always move back into the house. That is, until you know what you want to do or where you’d like to live.”

  He did not just say that. Offer me to go back home? Was he crazy? After this weekend, he was goin
g to sign me back my life. My now lonely life. The one in which I’d never truly lived alone in. Ever. I went from a college apartment with two roommates to a house with Wesley, to staying with Tom, to an apartment where Mark frequented many, many evenings, and now it would be just me. No Mark, no Wesley, and no Tom. I suddenly felt very alone in the world.

  “I don’t think that’d be a good idea. You know, with the divorce and everything between us now. And anyway, won’t you be looking for a new chick now?”

  “Amy, I wasn’t looking when I found Violet. She just happened to be there. Offering me an ear and a shoulder.”

  “And what, pray tell, did you need a shoulder and an ear for? I’ve got both of those, you know? You weren’t begging to use mine.”

  “We were in a rut, Amy. I wasn’t happy and I’m pretty damned sure you weren’t the happiest either. How many times can you stay home on a Saturday night and rearrange the kitchen cabinets? I could never keep it straight where the chips were.”

  “I only did that twice, and it was because the mugs were hard to reach and then the cereal boxes started piling up. And who went and bought fifteen boxes of Boo Berry and Sugar Toast Crunchies? There was no room for Mom’s china dinnerware.”

  I shook my head, picturing steam rolling off my back. “At least I was going to do something about the rut. Cabinet re-organization wasn’t the problem. If you failed to recall, I told you I was home waiting for you the night of the accident…in trampy lingerie.”

  “To tell you the truth, I still have a hard time believing that.” A small dimple showed up on his chin as he smiled, probably thinking about it.

  “Well, trust me, I did. And I had to sleep all night in it, on a plastic chair in the hospital. Next to your bed. Totally not what I’d imagined when I first put it on that evening.”

  “No way.” A devilish smile danced across his face. He’d gone back in age fifteen years to an adolescent boy thinking about naughty pinup girls.

  “Way. Wesley, I was trying to spice things up for you. You just never gave me the chance.”